Tuesday, January 25, 2005

My UnCommon Life

At the beginning of this year, I made a promise to myself. A Promise to stay different, try not to follow what everyone else is doing. Have my own views and do what I actually believe in, even if it means staying aloof from a large portion of people I know. Kind of like a new year resolution. Stay different, and do what you actually believe in rather than doing what your friends, or people around you want you to do.
I thought I had succedded in doing the same, untill life decided to hit back. Early morning ( by my standards .. IST 11:30 AM ), 15th January and life has never been the same since. At first I was frantic at this sudden change of events until I realised that I had to be the stronger person here. I tried it, but what use is it. Life had decided to screw me up and it's mind was pretty much made up on making me pay for trying to be different. At first I was the counsellor, and now i need counselling.
At first I was the person who thought that everything will be alright, and now I need the assurance time and again. It just happens that when someone is so close to you, her life is no longer just HER life. It becomes a part of your's. Everything that happens to her, you just can't let it happen and think that someday everything will be allright. It's a kind of helplessness that I feel at not being able to be there in person to comfort her at her darkest hour. May be it's me who needs the comfort now. And at the back of the mind I feel morally responsible for all that is happening, because if it was'nt for me, something like this would never have happened.
I still sing along with all my friends, I still go the parties that my friends throw, I still read P.G. Wodehouse at night before I go to sleep, everything is the same, but why is it that a part of me that says that nothing is the same. And it never will be the same again? Why can't I be like the guy who gets all he wants in life, why can't I be the common man ??

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